I am a Daughter of a King

Wow. Have you ever read a piece of scripture more than once and you still continue to get something out of it??? It is amazing. One of my favorite verses is John 21:25 where it says,
"Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."

That is so flippin neat! I mean, it is amazing that there was SO MUCH MORE that Jesus did that we don't have written down. PLUS!!!! We already continue to read what IS written down and we can continue to gain new insight from THAT scripture!

With all this said, I was reading John 13 the other day. I wanted to use the scripture where Jesus washes His disciples feet because I wanted to wash the feet of our church's praise team. (VERY COOL EXPERIENCE) I was reading the scripture and just had to stop and smile at a new discovery. Now you probably already were aware of this significance but let's look again!

"The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that HE HAD COME FROM GOD AND WAS RETURNING TO GOD; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist." John 13:2-4

Okay, so Jesus is getting ready to wash the disciples' feet. But look at what I capitalized in the scripture. Jesus knew who He was. He wasn't washing the feet to gain favor. He wasn't washing the feet to sway their opinions. He wasn't washing the feet to be popular or gain more friends or look good or make himself feel better or raise his status. HE KNEW WHO HE WAS.

I think sometimes, and I am totally guilty of this, we do things not just because they are the right thing to do, or because scripture says to, or because it is helpful, or because it will brighten someone's day; but we do things to gain approval, to gain popularity, to sway opinions, to make ourselves feel better. I'm not saying we all need a little boost once in a while but when we serve, WHERE IS OUR HEART?

I have sought out desperately over the past years a place in this world. A definition for who I am. I have struggled with acceptance, value of myself and I have spent years trying to be ok with me. In essence I have wasted time I could have spent serving and witnessing to self help myself. More and more I am coming to the understanding that I do not do things for this world or for myself. I do what I do because I am a daughter of a King. I am designed with a purpose to know Him and make Him known. He deserves my service and my praise. He created me to worship Him. I know that I have come from God and one day I will return to Him.

WOW. That alone is sooooo freeing! No more trying to gain favor with others. Because my identity is not with them. No more fretting about if my actions make me look less in people's eyes. Because in God's eyes I am simply His. No more clamoring for attention. Because all my attention belongs to my Heavenly Father. Lord I pray that my heart will continue to be tuned to You and Your desires.

Prayer Requests:
trip to the Philippines (go or no go?)
staff and students at OMS
Darrell and Robyn
Real Life Church

Rend Your Hearts

Wow. It has been a phenomenal Spring Break! I had much needed rest, saw great sights, enjoyed loved ones and just got a chance to recharge for the last 43 days of school left. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten to finish up the awesome take on Philip and the Eunuch, but I just wanted to take some time to just praise God.
Our community Easter worship service was great. The drama team did a presentation to "Why" by Nicole Nordeman. If you haven't heard the song, you should check it out. Very moving and powerful. They did such a great job, especially Ally (Robyn and Darrell's little girl, the family I live with). After church I was all packed and ready to head down to the beach to my "original" family. I was taking Kaylynn with me and we had a lot of fun! I was a tourist for once and more than ever I appreciate my hometown where I used to take it for granted.
I came back to Fayetteville and got to spend some much needed time with Ashlie and just relax for a few days. I've decided that I want to try to plant a garden at the place I will be staying this summer and I am really excited about finding out how all that works.
Saturday I traveled with some friends to Chapel Hill for the Blue/White spring football game which was a lot of fun. It was nice just to spend the day there walking around and talking with friends. I also ran into some college friends and got to hang out with my cousin and her boyfriend. The campus there is SOOOO beautiful!
Sunday was my final day for Spring Break and it was really refreshing. Church was amazing as always. Darrell had a great message. He is talking about "unplugged". Just simply getting back to the basics: God, family, loved ones. Such an awesome message. It was pretty cool because I am reading a book by Francis Chan and he was talking about that same thing and then my reading in scripture this morning was in Joel 2 and it is talking about people returning to God. In Joel he tells the people to 'rend their hearts' to God. I take it as a personal challenge that I gladly accept to just rend or break by heart in pieces for my Lord. I pray that I break so He can put me back together stronger and more useful Him. I seriously need to rend my heart and repent of my way of thinking on a lot of things. I listened to Jimmy Needham's song "Rend Your Heart". It is phenomenal. I had listened to it repeatedly this past fall when I was going through some heartbreak and it held a different meaning for me. Now I listen to it and I am so excited to throw away the varnish I keep trying to re-apply and to rend my heart for God.
I hope everyone has a great week! Rend your heart to God. Let Him direct your path!
Prayer Requests:
* my school and the teachers and students
*Real Life Church
*my anger, that God will give me the strength to forgive
*whether or not I should go to the Philippines this summer

Our Perception is a Little Skewed...

There is this awesome passage in the Bible in Acts about Philip. There is this Ethiopian eunuch that is riding in a carriage on his way to worship. So God tells Philip to go over to the carriage. Philip goes over to the carriage and overhears the eunuch reading a passage from Isaiah. Philip then asks him if he understands what he is reading and the eunuch replys, "How can I understand what I am reading unless someone explains it to me?" (Acts 8:31).

Now, this isn't even the whole story and already there is some amazing things to consider and take away from this scripture. For instance, the fact that the eunuch was on his way to worship. That is so cool. See, we as a "Christian" society still assume that if you go to church, you have a pretty good idea about who God is. Let alone, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I feel like this simple sentence alone has so much signifigance in our world today. We see people in church all the time and we don't take the time to find out more. They are at church, so obviously they have their stuff together, right? Not always. Or we see people worshipping and we assume they know it all. Clearly, if they love God enough to worship Him then they have it all together. If that same person were to ask a question about scripture or God's design for them, we might be a bit taken aback. Even though we talk about continuous growth or the fact that people will never obtain a level of perfection, in the back of most of our minds we are still waiting for that moment when we have it all together, when we know all that we need to. In fact, some of us refuse to do things until we obtain all the knowledge we need. How many times have you heard the following:

We can't date/get engaged/ get married/ have children/ buy a house/ ect. word vomit/ until we are stable financially/spiritually/ mentally/ etc. word vomit.

I can't serve God in the mission field/ in my work/ with my friends/ in my home/ etc. word vomit until I have read all there is to read of Christ/ prayed until my mind explodes/ received a certificate detailing my knowledge of Christ/ gone through 25 courses, had 6 laying of the hands and 5 blessings from licensed priests/ etc. word vomit.

The Bible says that the eunuch was on his way to worship! He wasn't aware of a clear picture of who Christ was. He may not have understood all that God had designed for him, but he knew there was more out there. He was on his way to worship and searching within the scripture of Isaiah for more. He was thirsty for Living Water. He wasn't waiting for someone to tell him how to worship or what verse to read. He was waiting for his mind to be prepared for what lie in store. He wasn't postponing his life for steps that happen when YOU START LIVING. He just was simply starting.

AHHHHH!!! So this is just the first part of all the awesomeness. I mean, we haven't even gotten to the part where Philip speaks up because he chose to obey God and be in the place where God placed him (which, by the way, was a wilderness road in the middle of the heat of the day. Can we say UNCOMFORTABLE and maybe NOT OUR IDEA OF A PLACE TO SERVE?????) But I want to really chew on this story for a while and get all that I can from the scripture so I'm saving the rest for the rest of the week. What I want to focus on right now is how our perception of how things should be done might be a little off.

Maybe, just maybe, when God said to love Me and then love your neighbor: HE MEANT JUST THAT. Not love Me, but before you do, make sure you have read up on Me and know My ins and outs. Not love your neighbor, but before you do, make sure you have your own heart completely perfect, your likes and preferences are similiar to your neighbor and you take a shower first (although the shower would be some common sense and courtesy people!). Just to simply love Me and love your neighbor. As in right now. As in, you don't need a refresher course or your finances in order or your ten point life plan at point number 7. JUST DO IT.

I look at the eunuch and I am in awe. He didn't understand all that scripture had to say. But he knew that there was a powerful God that deserved worship. And so that is what he was going to do. Despite the fact the world told him he wasn't ready yet. Whether he converted to Judaism a while back or was just getting started, he jumped in.

How many times have I held back because I thought I wasn't ready or didn't have it all together? And how many times have I not gone and worshipped and denied something my Savior DERSEVES because I thought I didn't understand the scripture or I couldn't keep up with the music????

Your Love Never Fails

There are always things that are constant in our lives. For example, I know that as soon as my classes switch I will ALWAYS have the three MINIMUM students that will approach me where I stand, lean in, say my name over and over and ask me what we are doing today in class. It never fails. NEVER EVER. No matter how many times I remind the class that our outline is always on the board. Or how I explain how the next hour will go. Or the fact that they have practically the same routine since August. IT NEVER FAILS. It is a constant I wish would go away.

Then there is the constant that life will let you down. A Debbie Downer, I know. I don't say this to be mean or pessimistic I promise. But it always ends up that myself or someone else is will have a bad day, try to retrace what went wrong and get frustrated that life doesn't understand our need for fulfillment or efficiency. Somehow life didn't get the memo that we already have this great plan for ourselves. We have this idea of how others should behave toward us. We know exactly how traffic could be solved if everyone would drive as we do. Does the lady in Walmart not CHECK her 50 photo frames to make sure there are proper working barcodes? And does she NOT realize that I am running late and really just need a role of masking tape for a lesson I just made up in my head when I woke up that morning??? Does the house not understand that today was NOT THE DAY to have plumbing issues, AC malfunctions or sticky locks? Life letting us down never fails. Unfortunately.

So what then? Darrell preached an amazing sermon this past Sunday from Philemon. This is prolly my FAVORITE series so far that he has done. Which is saying a lot I think since all of his series have been mind-blowing and God-filled. And the fact that this 3 part series comes from a single chapter. He preached about several things but one thing he pointed out was how we can get so caught up in focusing on the negative. It's everywhere! How our thoughts can be consumed with negative aspects of our lives. But God says to take all of our thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. Which can be soooooo hard! The idea of how many thoughts that are NOT obedient to Christ that run through my mind on an hourly basis is shameful. The verse on ceaseless prayer really comes to mind as I ask myself how to keep my thoughts in line and ask the Holy Spirit to redirect me. Whew. Good grief.

Fortunately for me there is the greatest constant of all. God. SO CONSTANT in His faithful love to me. How undeserving I am of His love that is lavished upon me. How unappreciative I am of His constant whispers and interceding devotion. How forgetful I am of His ability to know far better than I ever will. To make all things work together for my good. To allow me to enter His gates with thanksgiving in my heart and His courts with praise. To let me serve something that is higher and greater than myself. God thank You for the opportunity and privilege. Thank you for the constant goodness in my life. I pray that I become more aware of that than of the negative.

"You stay the same through the ages, Your love never changes, there might be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning! And when the oceans rage, I don't have to be afraid because I know that You love me, and Your love never fails." - Jesus Culture

How Far?

How far should we go? How much should we help? Lately I have been thinking about how we help people in need. People we know that are hurting. People that we have never met that have substantial needs that we can meet and choose not to.

I gave a bellringer to my class. The question was "What can you do to help Haiti?" I had one student raise his hand and ask, "what if you don't think we should help Haiti?" I told him to explain why he thought that. His answer was that we shouldn't help them because they have never done anything for us. I told him he was entitled to his opinion, but it bothered me. It bothered me that myself and a rising generation tends to look for what we can gain from helping others. It is always a give-take. Or at least an IOU situation. I will help you, but you better remember that I did. What does God say?

It's awesome how He is showing my things that tie in to my life and how I live it out. I finished Hosea a couple days ago and decided to read Amos. I have never read Amos and considered it one of those books that can be noted in the bible but not really high up on the list. It starts out with Amos basically calling people out on their sin. He talks about how everyone is not really doing what they should especially God's people who actually know better. How true is THAT statement???

In chapter 5 it talks about forgetting and oppressing the poor for our personal gain.
"You trample on the poor and force him to give you grain. Therefore, though you have built stone mansions, you will not live in them; though you have planted lush vineyards, you will not drink their wine. For I know how many are your offenses and how great your sins. You oppress the rightgeous and take bribes and you deprive the poor of justice in the courts." Amos 5:11-12

So what kind of excuse do we use to not meet other's needs? They don't deserve it? Do we deserve the grace that God has given us? Do we deserve salvation? Or how about the fear that any money I give or time I spent will be wasted or won't make a difference? Well the money I spent on the five times I ate out in the last week sure didn't go toward a better cause. Maybe a larger waistline. The time I spent watching tv or playing Mario Brothers didn't release a burden for someone who was hurting. So anything I offer will be a difference from what I am doing now. What about "they got into poverty, they can get themselves out"? Really??? What about the times that I constantly get myself into sin? And God freely forgives me?

As more and more of the pieces come together for what God has in store I am becoming more aware of what my life should reflect. Will it be a perfect of example of who God is? I hope so. I say all this with conviction and then I find myself stumbling again. I get back up. I pray the damage I do is minimized by the reconstruction. How far should we go? I am preparing my heart for more than I think it can take. I am asking the Holy Spirit to break me down and show me a way that involves intense sacrifice on my part to meet the needs of others who are so lost. I pray for God's love and strength when I feel like I can't go on and I can't stand under the weight. I pray for opportunities to speak and be silent and to simply go where He goes, say what He says and pray what He prays. As far as it takes.

Where You Go I'll Go - Jesus Culture - This is an amazing song. Listen to it and simply make it a prayer of worship and promise.

Three In One

"All of the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." - Acts 2: 44 - 47

This was one of the awesome passages that was looked at in today's sermon. Church today was unreal. We held service at the middle school to fit three different congregations that had gathered together to acknowledge that we serve One GOD. It was so amazing. We gathered together, not as three separate churches but as one group of followers. Kevin, Jeff and Darrell delivered a combined message of God's Word. The theme was "What If?" God is definitely moving through the hearts of searching servants in this community of Spring Lake. People are being placed in certain positions for a reason. People are living in this area for a purpose. There is no random about the opportunity that God is giving us to be apart of His church. To be apart of His love for people. So with all this in mind, there are some what ifs that we should take a hard look at and try to answer.

What if we start living like God is the bigger picture instead of our own lives?
What if we start to live as the church of the past instead of meet to create more programs?
What if we gave what we had to others who are in need instead of putting away for a rainy day?
What if we start to ask what we can do for our community instead of ask why isn't there more for me to do in this community?
What if we depend on the Holy Spirit to guide us instead of looking for a way out?
What if we put others first instead of fulfilling our desires?
What if we believe the Holy Spirit is able to heal instead of accepting the pain?
What if we choose to carry our cross despite the fact that the world says different?
What if we are asked to sacrifice status, comfort, our desires and our initial thoughts all for the glory of God?
What if we are asked to be small so He can be great?

I am ready. I am scared out of my mind. I know that it will be sacrifice. I know that people will not understand me or even accept me. I know that my dreams are just comfortably serving God in a mediocre way. I know God has designed me for more than that. So my dreams must change. I take on the knowledge that the end result will be more than I can ever imagine. To get that end result I realize I may never experience or have the things of this world that I thought were normal desires of the heart. But I choose to serve an almighty powerful God who has created me to live in this world, but not of it. I pray my desires change to that of my Savior.

What if God is enough?

More, so much more.

There is a dying generation out there. Towns, communities, cities that are filled with empty hearts, active minds and searching souls.
I've yet to break the shell of my existence. I have yet to fully submerge myself in the only Water that will truly allow me to be free. I've dabbled. I've tried to bottle it up and sell it as my own. I've carried the hydration pack on for days and never bothered to take a sip or offer it to someone else in need.

There is a dying generation out there. Children who know nothing of commitment, justice, peace, joy, comfort or love. All they know, all they can wrap their minds around, is cruelty, ignorance, sex and depreciation of oneself and others.
I've yet to truly seek out my Maker. I have been blindly calling my baby steps growth. Oh I give an example here and there. I lecture on rights and wrongs. But I have yet to show the Holy Spirit evident in me.

There is a dying generation out there. Friends and family who don't speak to each other. They put on fake smiles and hide truths because they are afraid of the judgement that will be made on them. They are afraid to be different, to show flaws, to know better.
I've yet to be completely honest with myself. To look at myself and see the contradictions. To see the confusion I bring to friends and families with my actions and my words.

I don't know all of the things that God has planned for my life. Let alone the community or church I am able to be a part of at this moment. But I know that there is a dying generation out there and I have within me the Holy Spirit. And He is mighty and able to do great things. I feel an urging. I don't know what direction it will take me. I don't know what sacrifices I will have to make. But I want to be willing and ready. I want people to look at me and see that God is real. That He is evident. I want so much more than what I am using now. Because there is a dying generation out there.