Repetition

I don't mind doing things over and over again. I find it comforting. When I go to a restaurant, I usually order the same thing. I can listen to a song that I like and never really get tired of it. I am able to carry out the same mundane tasks everyday and not be bothered that they are identical to each other. I like it. In a world that is always about the newest or freshest or boldest, I am content to repeat. This is sometimes a good thing. For instance, I don't really have to think when I make breakfast in the morning anymore. Weekdays are Kashi waffle with peanut butter and banana and weekends are egg whites with peppers and tomatoes. I know this. It is like clockwork and I don't spend or waste time thinking about it. I am somewhat of a planner and I like to know what is to come. It relaxes me.
On the other hand, life doesn't always allow repetition and then I get put out. I mean, how dare Wal-mart forget to stock up on the stringless snap peas? The weather knows I prefer to run outside in the neighborhood on Saturday mornings. Why is it raining??? Now I have to change my plans. It is discomforting. It is unpleasant. It is... survivable?
I tend to include my bible reading into my OCD of repetition. Sometimes it is a good thing. I have literally been in or near 1John since the beginning of summer. Don't knock, there is some awesome stuff worth reading in there. And I ALWAYS get something new out of reading the verses over and over again. AHHHHH the WHOLE book is awesome. I think I was stuck on ch. 3 verses 11 - 20 for like 4 weeks. I would open up to read the next section and end up reading that section again. It was amazing. I just finished reading ch. 5 today. It is pretty inspiring and pretty scary. It talks about that we who believe in Jesus should know that we have eternal life and that if we ask anything from God with confidence in accordance to His will, he hears us and we know we have what we have asked. (all copied/paraphrased/whatever from ch. 5 verses 13 - 15).
I just think this is so amazing. I mean, I have read this a LOT. But in reading it, I have taken away only what I want to hear. And sadly it is not what is actually being said. See, what I hear is that I am going to live forever after I die on Earth and because I made a promise in my heart to God, I get whatever I ask for as long as it is okay and morally right. Talk about botching up God's word. Man.
What the scripture is actually saying is something entirely different. My eternal life starts right now. In fact, it has already started and I have wasted who knows how many years of it already. The people I could have shared Jesus with and didn't or the amount of serving I passed up on is pretty shameful and disgusting. But I like being comfortable, remember? Then the passage goes on to say that if we have this confidence to approach God and realize He is listening and we ask Him anything within His guidelines that He will give it to us. That to me is even more scary. Prayer is not one of my strong points and it wasn't really that long ago that I remember praying and thinking to myself that "this prayer isn't really being heard and if it is, God is too small to do anything". It wasn't really until I moved to Fayetteville a little over a year ago that I truly believed in the power of prayer and could come with confidence before God to ask Him something. And adding the part where it is for His will and glory and not my selfish desires is a hard pill to swallow. I mean, I think I have some great ideas for His will and glory! However God has very firmly put me in my place time and time again. Telling God that I want what He wants for my life instead of telling Him what I think would benefit us both for my selfish gain is a gap that I am constantly having to fill in each day. Somedays I am loading the gap with the largest dumptrucks but usually it is with the smallest teaspoon.
So back to repetition and being comfortable. Sometimes it is a good thing and good things come out of it. But my LIFE is eternal and made that way through a reckless never-ending love that was constantly upsetting, undoing, inverting the repetitive, mundane comfort of life to achieve a fuller life that serves a purpose and a true God. I need to stay uncomfortable. If I get to a place where I don't have to think about my surroundings or care for the everyday life I see I pray that God shakes me up. I pray for all of us who prefer comfort but know that something unfinished is calling deeper. I pray for those of us who enjoy the simple routine of life but know that God's design is a holy pursuit of His passion that cannot be contained in a neat box. I approach the throne boldy and with confidence (even though the contradiction is that my knees are shaking) to ask God for guidance and opened doors and evident opportunities to seek His will, share His will and live life instead of just repeating the same old day.