These are some lyrics to a great song from one of my fave singers. She is awesome! And so are the lyrics. I hope there are no legal laws against giving these lyrics out. Because that would be embarrassing.

Brave

The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You're safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been

'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say Your name
Just Your name and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall...

Why did I take this vow of compromise?
Why did I try to keep it all inside?

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave

I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
Every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if you believe in me
That changes everything
So long, I'm gone

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
I wanna be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave - Nichole Nordeman

A Rocky Path...

So, if you have been reading the news like I have (the international news anyway) then you know that Kenya has gone through some stuff lately. Although they HAVE NOT closed their borders, several travel agencies have advised against traveling there. What was once the most peaceful country in Africa is right now in turmoil and chaos. Over 600 people have been killed and reporters who want to make headline are likening it to the Rwanda Genocides. It is very unsettling for anyone to hear that people use violence when they don't get their way. You would think after decades, centuries, no wait, OUR WHOLE HISTORY of living with violence we would wake up and realize it isn't the way. Unfortunately, no matter where you turn there it is.
I have had several people contact me to see if I am going to Africa still. I say yes. Am I terrified? Yes. Am I worried? Yes. Am I intimidated? Yes. Am I still going? Yes. I know that now, more than ever, I am needed. When I read the news I don't immediately think of it as unsafe for me, but I think of kids and families that are over there, and the fear they must have. Then I think, if they don't have God, who calms their fears? If they don't have God, who holds them?
Should I run over to Africa saying that I will go in the trenches because I have God? I don't know how to answer that question. Should I stay back because the road has gotten more rocky? I know the answer is no. Choosing God does not mean choosing the wide paved road.
Saying yes to God does not mean dropping everything and going to Africa. Just so we are clear on that. Never do I want to make myself or anyone else think that they because they did not leave fam and go foreign makes them doubt their commitment to God. I believe that I can serve God right in the United States. There are people who are in violence everyday in our country. I have plans (if they go along with God's) that bring me back to the US to minister to classrooms in our own country. But right now I don't feel is the time for that.
I have many people who support me in going. Who pray for me as we all should pray for each other. I have many people who do not wish me to go. They also pray for me as I pray for them. I may not understand the full picture yet, but I am aware of the risks involved. Just as I would be aware of the risks of teaching in an inner-city here in the states. Violence is unfortunately all around wherever we go. But there is also love, and hope and surprises, and smiling faces and random acts of kindness and friendly waves and eager minds! How great an opportunity to explore those things! To run into them everyday! How more exciting to run into them out of my element. Out of my comfort zone. Be it Harlem or Africa. For right now, my path goes to Africa.

possibilities...

Last night I had dinner with some great friends and like great friends, we were able to share our lives with each other. A huge part of my life lately has been keeping up with updates and praying from Trish, Nate and Gwyneth Rose. (You can check out Nate's blog for updates). I know that their story of love, suffering and hope has touched many people, but I was still shocked when several of my friends cut in to say, "we know, we've been following the updates as well!" It was an encouragement not only to know that God is so wide but that prayer and word of mouth really work. A while back I was at a bible study and the speaker talked about how if you tell two people about Jesus and then they tell two and those tell two more... you get the idea. The story of Jesus multiplies. Amazing. How more amazing if we tell the story of Christ during all walks of our life, be it sadness, joy, doubt or thankfulness? As I continue on this journey toward a simple yes I have given to God I have many fears, many heartaches and many questions. I know with certainty though, that by being obedient to Him I will have many opportunities to tell His story.

Ok, so I tried to set up the thing where you could click on Nate's name and go to his blogging site, but I did not do it right or whatever. So the site is www.cfhusband.blogspot.com.

So Much Has Been Given...

To whom much is given, much is expected. (paraphrased from scripture).
That seems to be all I can think about lately. It isn't chance or luck that things happen they way that they do. Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking of what has really been given to me and what has been expected, but I have ignored. Forgive me if I am not making any sense, but my mind is reeling with thoughts and emotions that have developed over the past few weeks and I can't seem to get it all down in a orderly fashion.
Just know that two old friends of mine are struggling and yet praising at the same time. My friends Nate and Trish are married. They had one of the most beautiful weddings ever. Beach, sunsetting afterward, birds flying over in a perfect "V" as they were saying their vows. I remember Nate being absolutely head over heels (aka semi obsessive) over the first and second and third encounters with Trish. Although she was not at first (haha Trish, i remember our talks!) She now is absolutely lost without him. They went on to other things as did I. I don't know details but I know that they chose to serve the Lord together which is so beautiful in itself. They dedicated their lives and surrendered to all God had to offer to them. I have seen them in tiny bursts throughout these past years. Always is the firm faith in a God who loves them. Through Trish's battle with Cystic Fibrosis I have been able to witness their love for each other and for a God who holds them in His hands. Several months back Trish and Nate found out they were pregnant and expecting a little girl. How exciting and yet how scary. After sometime Trish was on oxygen and doctors were concerned about the strain both mother and baby were going through. The odds were so against them in every way.
In a situation where life is everything but perfect I want to say I will trust in God and praise Him in the storm. I want to think and know that I TRULY believe God when He says he will do immeasurably more than I can imagine, that He will never give me what I cannot handle. It scares me to think of how much I might actually be able to handle.
Seeing Nate and Trish not just work through this hard time but actually praise God during the hard time gives me hope. It gives me peace. It is the faith I see in Trish's eyes as she is hooked up to who knows how many cords and machines, laboring for breath and still finding enough to laugh and ask how I am doing. How humbling. God you show up in so many forms.
Trish went into surgery Tuesday and came out better than hoped. Still unsure, but still here. With her came one of the tiniest daughters of the King I have ever seen. Gwyneth Rose is a miracle. No other form of luck, chance or science can put it more plainly.
I cannot fathom the mindset or heart matters of Nate or Trish as this trying time is taking place. I do know that I have never been more sure of God and His presence.
So here I sit, finally ready after 27 years of life to start to live up to the expectation. So much has been given to me and I have sat for years receiving and more often than not, complaining. I have ventured when all safety precautions are a go. I have explored under the haven of comfy dwellings and cushioned surroundings. Now it is time to fully and dangerously surrender to a God who knows the plans He already has for me.
Continue to pray for Nate, Trish and Gwyneth Rose. Nate's blog can keep you updated.