Well hello blog world. I know it has been a few but...
Oh life. It is a lot of things. Lately it has felt very rushed, drained, pushed, shoved and basically limited in all aspects. Never is there a moment just to be still. To breathe. Until this Thanksgiving break.
The funny thing is that I create all of that. Sometimes I am fascinated by my brain. Because
1. It acts like it is on SPEED
2. It moves at a faster pace than my soul
3. It is super creative in the fact that it knows how to keep me active/busy 24/7
4. It can really only be shut down with music
You know that you need a break or something is seriously wrong with you when your body starts to have a mini-panic attack at the BEGINNING of a break or weekend because it is already counting down the hours you have left instead of enjoying the hours to come.
That is me pretty much. I go ALL THE TIME. I do ALL THE TIME. I act ALL THE TIME. I am the person that listens to the songs that talk about being still in God's presence and I cry because I desperately want that yet I start to calculate and fit a time for God into my schedule. I am the person that wakes up early to spend time with God in His Word and I try to guesstimate the time it will take to spend with God so I can get my hair dry, coffee made and stuff packed before I leave for work so I won't be later than I want to be. I am the person that sits quietly in God's presence trying to wait patiently in silence because I owe Him more than that, and five minutes in I am asking God "Are we there yet?" "I have to go to the bathroom."
Why? Am I secretly ADD? Not really. It is because this world is fast-paced. Everything is go, go, go. As an individual I create things to keep me busy. As a pleaser I constantly seek opportunities to be acknowledged. It is a sick obsession and confession but there it is.
Patience? I don't truly know the meaning of that word yet. And I sure know that you should never pray for it. Because then God would of course help you learn it. Hopefully there is a lesson on tape. So I can do something else while I am half-listening. Or maybe some cliff-notes so I can get the gist and move on...
I do love how God constantly reminds me that He wants me to slow down. He uses friends, music and most of all His Living Word. I was reading in Exodus today about the escape across the Red Sea. So fascinating. I was forcing myself to read with purpose because OF COURSE I had read this account tons of times. However, this morning I read something I never noticed before. In chapter 14 verse 14 God speaks to Moses. Everyone is freaking out because they ASSUME God has led them to their deaths. God speaks to them and says (ARE YOU READY??? CUZ THIS IS SOOO COOL!!!!), "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still".
HOW AWESOME IS THAT?
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. wow. Now of course it doesn't mean you sit around waiting for things to happen. The very next verse God is telling Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on!" Which I find extremely funny and uplifting because although I am going constantly in my life, I tend to gravitate and GO back to the same thing before. I love that God yells at me from heaven, "Hey Jenn! Why are you stuck on that same mess? MOVE ON! GO! Don't just sit there and feel sorry for yourself!" Which I totally need like EVERY OTHER SECOND of my day.
But still I keep coming back to verse 14. How amazing. I just feel Him saying, "Jenn. I love you. I am going to do amazing things to show my glory. Believing in Me is going to be rough. Have faith. I have your back. You need only to be still. You need only to know that I am Lord. You need only to stay firm in your grounding that I have covered every inch of your sinful nature with My blood so that you could have this moment to proclaim My Name and be in My courts. You need only to trust Me because I am Your Father, Creator, Ordainer, Counselor, Protector and Redeemer."
Thanks. Thank You God. Thank You for Your living Word. Thank You for the cross. Thanks for lessons in how to "be still" and know that You are God.
