I have shared this with a lot of people already. Pretty much anyone that will listen. I will read scripture sometimes and just thrust it in other people's faces as if to say, "DO YOU GET WHAT I AM GETTING???" It is because I am so excited over what I have read. Maybe I am reading it for the first time or maybe the one hundredth time and I get a new meaning from God's living and breathing Word. I know I get kind of psycho animated and speedtalk when I try to share what I have just read. I go into this frenzy where you just HAVE to understand what I see because it is so eye-opening for me that I just can't keep it to myself and far be it from me to hold it back from you if it could do the same for you. Anyway, I want to share.
Lately I have been struggling. It's an underwater struggle. You know the kind. Where you think you have this great hold on something that is difficult and you do a pretty good job of keeping the surface calm. The exterior looks stretched sometimes, but not too shabby. It's only every once in a while when you believe the calm that you are relaxed enough to really let the struggle start to win. And a struggle underwater is hard! First of all, you can't breathe. Second of all, it is in an environment that you are not normally in so you don't have the upperhand. Not a good situation.
So my underwater struggle is starting to get the upperhand. I am fighting like crazy, but I'm also panicking because I am running out of air. At the same time I hear in the back of my mind: you're uncomfortable, that's good; you're unfinished, I'm not done with you yet; you're undone, fall into My arms where there is rest and healing.
I am also still reading in Genesis and I read the account of when God tells Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. WOW. This is where it gets good! (It's God's WORD. How can it NOT be good?)
22:1 After these things God tested Abraham and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here am I.” 2 He said, “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.” (ESV)
Look at that. WOW. God speaks (SPEAKS) to Abraham and he is totally there. Like he was waiting by the phone. I love it. I want to do that. Then God says for Abraham to take his son. But He says it 4 times in 4 different ways. There is the generic, "take your son" which is general. Then He adds, "your ONLY son" implying that God knows this is personal. God knows that this son is the promised son. The one that Abraham spent years praying and waiting for to come. He then calls his son by name. God points out that He intimately knows Isaac as well. He has been there through every scraped knee, every birthday cake that was smashed in the face, every bedtime story. He knows. Then he says, "whom. you. love." WOW! Really? GOD KNOWS. God knows the depth of my feelings. He loves as well. More than I ever could. He cares.
Now this is not a new concept. I have known that God cares for most of my life. Nothing new. But it IS NEW. I can't explain it. IT MATTERS. I am in awe that an almighty and powerful God cares for me enough to know my heart. That He cares enough for the ones I love to know their hearts. That He cares enough for the people I can't stand to know their hearts as well.
I don't need to keep my surface calm. Because God knows my pain.
I don't need to struggle underwater. Because God knows my fear and weakness.
I don't need to worry about the future. Because God knows my heart's desires.
I don't need to mourn over my losses alone. Because God knows the depth of my heart.
I don't need to be afraid of the unknown. Because God knows what I do not.
I don't need to be concerned with my loves. Because God loves them more than I do.
It's not always pretty. It's not always what I think is best. It's not always the way I would have done it. But God KNOWS. Not only that but HE CARES. Enough to call me by name. I pray for full obedience to a knowing and loving God.
