Lady of Faith

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

I am still learning to be a Lady of Faith.  In all areas of my life I am learning to understand what it means to wait patiently.  To be still.  To be silent.  It has been a long road but the reapings of sitting in the silence of God are starting to show.

It has definately been a lot of give and take.  What I mean by that is that I have on numerous occasions given myself, my time, my hopes, my dreams to God and have told Him to do as He would see fit.  And then in a couple hours I took them all back.  Not much of a partnership.  Not much of a surrender.  Not much faith required.

When it comes to being single I have been a very jaded "Indian giver".  Excuse my lack of political correctness.  Since it is a personal blog you can let it slide.  I posted in October how I had made the promise to God to not seek out a relationship.  It was a pretty big commitment.  It was truly heartfelt.  It was a surrender I had been trying to dedicate for many years.  No more Indian giving for me.  I gave and for the first time, didn't try to get it back.  I praise God for loving me to be able to do that.  For healing me to be able to do that.  For teaching me to be able to do that.  For placing Godly men and women in my life to demonstrate how to do that.

It is three months later and God has given me a man after His own heart.  What is really neat is that we did not seek each other out.  It is not an accident encounter or an orchestrated, manipulated, desparate attempt at a feeble relationship.  It is the work of an Amazing God.  His hand is upon our relationship.  Guiding it.  Molding it.  Surrounding it.  What seems like just three weeks feels like years.  What felt awkward and one sided from previous relationships feels even, fitted and home with us. 

Still in my head sometimes are scars from past relationships.  Still are whispers of deceit and beckonings of brokeness.  For just a moment I allow the failure of my Indian giving concepts to overtake me and fear to grip me.  But part of being a Lady of Faith is being SURE of what we HOPE for and CERTAIN of what we DO NOT SEE.  It may take a minute to be still to hear God's whisper of love and promise.  But it is strong and true.  And TRUTH will always win.  So I take a deep breath. I surround myself with scripture, prayer, and yes, the texts of my love that assure me that he gets me and is praying as well.  I stand firm in the truth that God is the head of this relationship.  That my love follows Christ and is honest in his commitments.  That I don't need to steer or direct something that God is capable of orchestrating by Himself.  That the lies are simply that: lies.  That my love is my love and I am his.  And we are God's.  That I am human and that is all the more reason to practice my faith and study God's word.